The Flu, pneumonia, conjestive heart failure that hit my 83 year old body in December,2016 left me debilitated for a while. This. despite my apparent spiritual growth, left me empty (whether for better or worse i cannot tell), silent, and without an "outer purpose." I had become strong enough to drive myself to Coeur d' Alene and back (about 1500 miles) during a weekind in mid May. Then a week after i got back i fell in a grocery store parking lot and broke my neck, It turns out the fracture in the top of my spine will heal itself without neurological assistance. In the meantme, i am ordered to wear a neck brace for about another six weeks. I should feel gratefuil, and i do. Otjerwise, i feel that i am in very good health as i approach my 86th year.
This Novermber will mark the end of the tenth year of my journal. As i have mentioned several tiimes, i was inspired by the journal of solitarybird who recorded her thoughts and feelings as she moved from an active to a contemplative life. I intended, through my somewhat more devious path, to follow her into silence, at which point my journal would also, natirally, end. My ego has been my nemisis, blocking my way at every juncture.
I think i should retitle my journal, "The Monkey Mind Of A Wammabee Spiritual Seeker" to reflect more accurately what i have actually put into over the past ten years. I do intend to try to be more mindful of certain facts as i go forward. One fact being that i am not the center of the universe. geographically, spiritually, or otherwise.
I just discovered that i can play music on my computer while i am typing. I've been listening to
Don McLean and, now, Scott Joplin.
I have been back in my 12 step program for two years now. The group that i call my "home group"
has grown recently from about 8 to about 20 people. Five newcomers were at Thursday night's meeting. Wow!
I've been asked if i am getting out of the program what i want. I am certainly gettiong what i need.
Inspite of an ego that suffers from a fatal case of percieved uniqueness, i am finding the fellowship
valuable and necessary for my spiritual growth. I am starting to get over my obsession with language and semantics and to accept the program as a valid expression of the perennial philosophy.
I am working on my ninth step.
Love, peace, beauty to you all. I will try to post with greater regularity.