bobby1933 (bobby1933) wrote,

Fourth-Step Notes

I start my fourth step "list" (people i think injured or harmed me and toward whom, therefore, i feel resentfful).
So i begin: "God, guide my pen."  "I am resentfful of....
The rest of the page remains blan, and has been so for two days.

Oh, there is plenty to resent* if i want to resent something   lots of situations.  The state of the  country and the world right now, from my unenlightened perspective, stinks.  I am a radical anarchist and followeer of  Peter Maurin and Dorothy Day and from that you can probably dedice which aspects of the world as it appears to our senses (including mind) offend me most.  But the fourth step is about me in relation to people, people that i have or have had relationships with.

There are pleny of people that i have harmed and to whom i owe amends; but anyone who has harmed me i have long-ago forgiven or forgotte.  As i dig into my barrel of resentmernts, i have so far found it empty.. And ub working my fourth step, i have to not only remember who these people were, but what they did to make me resentful of them, and how i felt about it (resentment  is feeling*) and what i did to contribute to the negativity of the situation..

But this is the AA way of starting a fourth step.  (But is it really Alcoholics Anonymous says there are many ways to do a fourth step).  Al-Anon has its own Blueprint For Progress which pays relatively little attention to resentments.  My sponsor suggests that i not try to do everything my way and has ignored my protestation that i do not feel resentment toward any one i know or have known and that it has been a  long time sine i felt any thing close to resentment in the negative sense.  But i will keep trying!

*  My AHD posts a brief Word History note.  Between the late 17th century and the middle of the 18th, "resent" referred to any strong feeling positive or negative.  So resentful referred also to feelings of gratitude or appreciation.  It was possible to say, as in a 1677 sermon: "Would we not be monstrously ingrarfeful if we did not deeply resent such kindness?"
Tags: 12-step programs, 4th step notes
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