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Is It All Fear? (More 4th Step Notes)

So i started a preliminary list of my character defects.
Arrogance (Pride)
Cowardice is being controlled by fear.
Back in the day when anger was a big problem, i learned that anger was a cover for fear.
I came to the conclusion that every one of the "seven deadlies" was a cover for fear
I have been told that fear is the basic negative emotion;
it is behind hatred, etc., etc., etc..

What is sloth afraid of?
Perhaps it is just plain laziness?
I am told that my True Self is not lazy,
that laziness somehow protects my ego.

Is it a fear of making mistakes?
Is it a fear of failure?
Is it based on a history of failure?
But i haven't failed all that much --
piano lessons
my first marriage
my ministry.
I need to think about those, but not right now.
I'm inclined to be too hard and too easy on myself.
Can i be both at once? Yes.


( 5 comments — Leave a comment )
Jan. 3rd, 2017 07:59 pm (UTC)

You are a delight, an inspirational delight!
Jan. 3rd, 2017 09:45 pm (UTC)
:) Thank you.
Jan. 4th, 2017 01:44 am (UTC)
You sound like a human to me. I do think that the word defect is rather harsh, and that the failings you mention are habits or behaviors---not you. You are not all those things, you simply exhibit them. I suspect you exhibit their opposites sometimes too. Too hard and too easy on yourself is just one. =-]

As for sloth, did you see the new science about the mammal known as the sloth? It turns out their very slow movement allows them to have the slowest metabolism of any mammal. They are even somewhat poikilothermic, meaning their body temperature adjusts with the environment, saving them lots of calories they could have spent maintaining a single body temperature as we homeotherms do.

Jan. 4th, 2017 04:39 am (UTC)
The 12 Steps are a path i have decided to follow. The 4th ste[ inventory is one of its suggestions. I choose to follow it. The steps were developed in the 1930s and maintains the language and psychology prevalent among middle class white males at time. But it works! "Character defect" is a product of that era. Probably a better term would be defense mechanisms: behaviors and traits developed in childhood to cope with difficult situations but are useless and barriers to further growth.

I think the symbol for sloth (accedie) was either a goat(?) or a snail.

Thank you for your helpful comment.

I should have mentioned that the fear i am talking about is irrational fear. There is a useful fear that calls to awareness real dangers. I suspect that my fear of telling the truth was once a survival skill. Now it is useless.

Edited at 2017-01-04 04:47 am (UTC)
Jan. 4th, 2017 04:50 am (UTC)
Understood. I worked the 12 steps once and found it extremely helpful---really pushed me past some blockages to a different kind of growth. So I get it that you tolerate the language inaccuracies in order to gain the benefit of the pursuit. It's worth doing.

Thanks for putting up with me and my science nerdiness. I enjoy your posts and your seekings much more than most.
( 5 comments — Leave a comment )



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