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"(We) made a searching and fearless moral inventory of  ourselves." -- AA fourth step.

In the 1980s i tried to work a Fourth Step four or five times and found each attempt frustrating, difficult and ultimnately unsatisfactory.  Once i tried to share my "inventory" with another person (I called her my sponsor, but i really only used her once as a sounding board to hear my inventory).  Now i have an actual sponsor, a ypionger man, but someone who has been in the 12 step program for a very long time.  He has me working hard but slowly on my fourth step, getting familiar with the idea of it, learning its history, and the way it works in AA.  His DDecember has been much  like my November; he has been weak and ill so things are going more slowly than he intended.  But i want to do it right this time, so i am willing to take it slow, and to be patient with him and myself.

But i am looking ahead.  I am not the  same person i was in the 1980s, or the 1960s, or the 1940s, but some things have followed me through life.  I vary between being too hard on myself and too protective of my ego.  l  am still suffering from laziness, selfishness and arrogance (and probably a list of other things i keep hidden from my consciousness.)  In the fourth step, i seek humility but not humiliation; and sailing between the rock of pride and the whirlpool of humiliation has always been very difficult for me.

The inventory should contain specific examples of how my character defects have harmed other people.  It should also include positive character traits and behaviors.  Assets and liabilities are both inventoried.  Soon i will start.  Without a spomsor i would have started already and that probably would have been a mistake.


( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
Jan. 1st, 2017 10:36 am (UTC)
Your sponsor sounds like a real gem! And I applaud the way you are working with him, letting yourself be led.

Happy new year,
Jan. 1st, 2017 01:05 pm (UTC)
Good luck and stout winds for the voyage, and may you not be fruitlessly becalmed!
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )



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