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Update Update -- Funeral


I got up and showered (first time in two weeks -- but i finally got a haircut a week ago), put on my suit (first time in ten years,, still wont wear a tie. Suit fit surprisingly well)  My daughters came by.  I told them i wanted to drive myself.  Older daughter had already paid for the singer and officiators so i wrote her a check.  Then i drove the five miles to the church and waited for our friends to show up.

There was a surprise show and several unexpected absences, but i have become enough of a Taoist to expect the unexpected and not be thrown by it.  I will have to look up a few people, however, to make sure they are o.k.  There were 26 people, one-third family, one-half friends, and four other church members or strangers.  I gave the eulogy, did not use my written text and improvised a bit (all to the good, i think).  (You guys were right, it went over big.).  A very satisfying service.


I say nothing about the homily or eucharist because i heard barely five words of it.  I caught Dianne's name mentioned a couple of times.  It was much worse than the Temple Grandin lecture, and though my hearing aids are on the blink, i am certain that my hearing has deteriorated greatly in the last two years,  I have an appointment with my audiologist in two weeks.

The church is cavernous and was nearly empty and i  must have had the  worst seat in the house accoustically.  Every body else seemed to hear fine and said the whole service was lovely.  And the fact that i could not hear did not bother me.

I could hear the music just fine.  The pianist played "On Eagles Wings." and couple  of  other funereally appropriate melodies.  She did not play "Morning is Breaking" which i had requested.  Perhaps she does not know it?


I have always had trouble recognizing people when i see them, even old friends, famous people (except Jennifer Annison) and family members.  Since i first heard about Face Blindness a few years ago i have wondered if i don't have at least a touch of it.

A man and woman  came in whom i did not recognize.  They were with a couple that i did recognize because of the man's enormous height and bulk and beard, and i recognized his wife because she was with him and because of her characteristic attitude and emotionalism.  But who were these  other people?  I strained to figure out  who they were; i thought i should know them.  The woman i did know grabbed me and hugged me as i knew she would.  The man i knew shook my hand and said: "and of course you know who this is."  I didn't.  I looked at his height and build and decided he must be J, one of the leaders of the  local church that i had a relationship with.  So i tried out the name, J and the reply was no, M.  M! a collegue that i  had had taught with, talked with, partied with and argued with for over thirty years, a  dear friend.  Suddenly his face was recognizable.  And, as for his wife standing beside him, it was as if an unseen sculptor was moulding her face from a female prototype in front of my eyes!  This experience was repeated with variations several times this morning.

Comments

( 9 comments — Leave a comment )
amaebi
May. 25th, 2016 02:26 am (UTC)
I don't know if it felt like this to you-- reading you it sounds a strangely dream-like experience.
bobby1933
May. 25th, 2016 03:24 am (UTC)
I think you have a point there.
I feel like i am not all here.
poorer hearing, poorer sight
might be manifestations of that.
Perhaps a part of myself was taken away last week
and it may take time to regenerate.
and on top of that, i'm getting old.
And most of the people at the funeral looked so old.
pondhopper
May. 25th, 2016 12:18 pm (UTC)
I often have trouble recognizing people from my past and names...horrible memory for names! Though I do agree that it sounds like a dream-like experience in many ways.

I'm glad you're getting your hearing checked, though.

You DID lose a part of yourself and it will take a while to get over that. A gap like that never grows back though, I think, we become more used to the absence as time passes.

Take good care of yourself in all ways. Dianne would want you to do that.


bobby1933
May. 25th, 2016 11:12 pm (UTC)
Thank you, Donna.
nerthus
May. 25th, 2016 09:24 pm (UTC)
It does sound like a nice service; I'm glad that you weren't unduly troubled over not being able to hear everything. Part of that might definitely be your hearing and part just an emotional overload from everything going on. At my son's funeral my daughters and I were supposed to sit up front next to my ex and his wife; but when my autistic daughter saw her stepmother she began to have a tantrum right there in the sanctuary and I told the funeral director that we would be fine sitting several rows back. Which I liked better anyway. It was a good service, I wish more people had come but that was Daniel, he only had a few friends he really would have wanted there and I understood many of our family members had medical and other situations going on and couldn't make the long drive to the service that day. I picked the music for his service and was a bit sad that one of his and my favorite songs, "Dear Father" by Neil Diamond wasn't included; I suppose the organizer thought it was too long for the amount of slides we had of my son that were presented during the music. I had no idea how I would react during the service, I was afraid would cry all through it; but for whatever reason, especially during the music section I found myself smiling more than crying as I remembered how much Daniel and I had enjoyed listening to those songs together and how wonderful it was to have had that chance to share those times with him. Anyway, sounds like you do have some form of face blindness; I have a terrible time with both names and faces, but moreso with names. I might vaguely recognize and remember someone's face but for the life of me I can't place their name or even where I know/knew them from, sigh. Having taught in the hundreds of children over my teaching career, I've sometimes been approached in public by parents of those kids or even the kids themselves only older, and I always feel bad when I just cannot call up the family's name. Especially if it's one of my former students whose name I can't remember.
bobby1933
May. 25th, 2016 11:18 pm (UTC)
Thank you for sharing this.

I empathize with your daughter. The tantrums i threw and through are more intellectual than emotional but were equally disturbing to others (and to me). There is often a certain amount of injustice that occurs when families split and we are very sensitive to that.
joshmanicus
May. 27th, 2016 12:55 am (UTC)

I'm a bit late getting to this, but I just wanted to say that I am sorry for your loss.


From everything I've read, I get the sense that she was loved and will be missed.

bobby1933
May. 27th, 2016 01:42 am (UTC)
Yes, Thank you my friend.
vaporw
May. 28th, 2016 01:07 pm (UTC)
((( hugs )))
( 9 comments — Leave a comment )

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