bobby1933 (bobby1933) wrote,

Spiritual Meme Question Five

5--could you say that any of your spiritual or religious phases were fueled by desperation of some kind? if so, what was the nature of the desperation? how did it help or hinder your growth?
My first thought was "no"  When i am in pain, feel abandeoned or scared or hopeless, i crawl into my small self and try to push away everything else.  But that is really a "yes" because a loss of spirituality because of desperation is a change in spirituality, a new phase, even if seen as a "backward" movement.  My first "spiritual experience" was one of sudden, unexpected, unsought joy, and i did not recognize it as anything special.  My second was an emptyness which felt like loss but could have as easily been percieved as gain had i been prepared to see it that way.

As i enter my ninth decade, i know that death will probably come sooner rather than later, and the species will go on either to thrive or kill itself off without my attention or assistance.  My perspective will either be extinguished or be altered drastically.  I recognize both hope and fear as ephemeral and unnecessary.  If i have a lot of pain i wont much like it and if people i care about die or leave. i will miss them.  But i doubt that i will ever feel desperate again.  This is because i have finally come to a serenity* that is a gift from the Divine and a result of spiritual practices like contemplation and putting others before self.

*As long as i stay away from politics and politicians.

Writing prompts: only ones that would be hard for you to answer please! {FULL!} - the eclectic ecstasy of an ecphorizing eccentric
Tags: fear, serenity, spiritual meme
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