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Update Update -- Good Night

 

There is almost no change in our status over the last couple days, but i know you have a concern for our well being so i will try to post at least every couple of days just to let you all know that things are well.  Dianne still requires higher than prescribed oxygen flow to keep her saturation level up  -- six litres instead of 4 during sleep and five instead of 3 during the day,  Otherwise everything is fine.


Dianne will turn 78 in nine days and i will be 82 in August.  It sometimes seems to me that she is slowly drifting into old age, moving toward disengagement from the world.  It is harder to see this in myself. but i suppose that it is happening.  My mind seems to want to shut down.  This does not feel like the mind taming that is supposed to come with zazen or the dark night described by Christian mystics.  It is more like laziness.  I feel  that my interest in things spiritual is slipping away,  A temporary respite perhaps, i  hope.
I know that my meditation, prayer, and contemplation are fed by my autistic focus. and perhaps that focus is shifting away to some other place.  If i compare my meditations on the Tao Te Ching, the sermon on the mount and the Dhammapadda with those on the Bhagavad Gita, i percieve the latter to be  listless and crude.  On The Cloud of Unknowing -- i had no feel for it, no  heart for it.  My earlier meditations seem to have been written by somebody else.  I think this spiritual dimension to life is important.  I don't want to lose it!  I am not going to walk away from this like i did as a young man, but i'm afraid i am slip-sliding away.

Comments

( 6 comments — Leave a comment )
abendstille
Jun. 27th, 2015 06:47 am (UTC)
What can slip-slide away is the mind only, Bobby. The core of your being is the heart of the universe. How could you lose it since it´s the only thing that´s real and true? Perhaps your mind gets tired and stops roaming around. You will sink back into the heart of the eternal love. When your mind isn´t that active any longer, we will probably miss you here, but we will know that you are resting in the heart of eternal love more and more. Everything is fine.
bobby1933
Jun. 27th, 2015 05:16 pm (UTC)
Thank you, Mia. That is beautiful and true.
I just don't feel it right now. You had practically disappeared from my view. But you do pop up again when i need you. Thanks much again.
amaebi
Jun. 27th, 2015 01:15 pm (UTC)
Thank you so much for the post, and for the resolve to post periodically. I cannot tell you how much I appreciate it.

I like so much what abendstille said, which is a lot better than what I have to say: What is spiritual? What is unspiritual?
bobby1933
Jun. 27th, 2015 05:19 pm (UTC)
Thank you. I think i need to keep posting and to push myself when i think i have nothing to say. I will keep you posted,
cathy_edgett
Jun. 27th, 2015 04:54 pm (UTC)
Yes, keep us informed. Yes!

You can't lose your spiritual dimension, and we move in and out like the tides. It is to honor all.
bobby1933
Jun. 27th, 2015 05:20 pm (UTC)
Yes, thank you.
( 6 comments — Leave a comment )

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