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Update Update

Today i made the copay on February's hospitalization and Dianne fell.  She was rescued from the floor by three firemen.  The worst thing is, i've seen this coming for three days and wondered when, not if,  i would have to call for assistance and have to go through the spiels on hospice and assisted living and long term care.  Thankfully, we could pay for those things, but Dianne will have none  of it.  She says i am a worrier, i say she is  in  denial.  I don't know if i am right, but she sure is.  It flashed in me today that "worry wart" was one of the cute names my parents had for me while i was growing up.

I become more and more aware how aging is the mirror  image of infancy.  We reverse the processes of development and the obstacles we overcame as children return to plague us as we move toward the end ofl life. (i think of this as i struggle to untie my shoes and get out of my clothes.)  Dianne was born with cerebraL palsy and the right side of her body paralyzed.  She and her mother spent six years overcoming these issues plus a summer of therapy at age eleven..  By the time i met her at age 25 a slight limp was the only clue that she  had ever had a mobility  problem.  Now she is showing some  of those early symptoms.  She falls because her feet "freeze" and if there is no chair behind her she will fall, sometimes one of her legs is injured.  This has been the scenario for six of her eight trips to the hospital over the past fifteen years.

Now she is safely in bed and i will relax for the next eight to ten hours.


( 8 comments — Leave a comment )
Apr. 21st, 2015 11:48 am (UTC)
Well, those sound grounds not only for fear, but for anxiety. And anxiety's exhausting.

Have you ever read Alexei Panshin's Rite of Passage? One of its many value aspects is an unfolding of how much time and effort and mess shield carriers have to put in, financing the hero's adventures. It sounds to me as if Dianne's a hero, which makes her an admirable menace as well as everything else she is.
Apr. 21st, 2015 06:38 pm (UTC)
:) <3

I haven't read it. It sounds interesting.

Yes, Dianne is a hero.
She does, like most heroes, consider herself one.
Neither of us consider her a menace,
at least not in the sense that armed heroes are.
Shield bearers are commonly conscripts,
and i do not consider myself a "shield bearer" in any case.
But the metaphor does have some relevance.
Of the two of us, i do appear to be the one in need of help,
Apr. 21st, 2015 04:58 pm (UTC)
May you relax these next hours. It's hard not to worry, and you are doing well with all of it. My thoughts are with you as you again navigate the challenges life brings. I agree that we reverse the processes of development. I am very clear that "aging" is not for sissies, and the lessons keep coming.
Apr. 21st, 2015 10:55 pm (UTC)
Thank you!
Apr. 21st, 2015 04:59 pm (UTC)
worry wart
Sorry to hear Diane is regressing and injured. For some people worrying is how they love----you care about her and want her to be well, so you cogitate about how you could possibly facilitate that, and worry about your perceived failures too...... if only aging didn't have to happen. My thoughts are with you.
Apr. 21st, 2015 10:58 pm (UTC)
Re: worry wart
Thank you so much. Love and detachment can probably serve their different but overlapping purposes when they are combined.
Apr. 21st, 2015 09:36 pm (UTC)
HOw's Diane now (from the fall)?
Apr. 21st, 2015 11:01 pm (UTC)
The fall did not cause any noticeable injury. She is a little steadier today but still has a very difficult time standing.
( 8 comments — Leave a comment )



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