Dianne's hospitalization has lasted three days and discussions of the next step have begun. These discussions always seem traumatic. I am sure they are not intended to be. Dianne has been physically traumatized, i am autistic. and our fears accelerate as changes need to be made. We thought that today might be the day (it turned out not to be) when monumental and momentous changes might be made in her "status."
Still, as a former social worker, i have to shake my head to convince myself i am not having a nightmare whenever i talk to a case manager, or social worker, or (after today) an insurance company representative. What ever happened to compromise? I know that has always been a bad word in America, but come on!!
Sometimes i think bureaucracy has killed off half the human spirit and social and fiscal conservatives have killed off the other half.
Anyway, Dianne seems so fragile! That is not a word she would ever use to describe herself and not one i have ever heard anyone else use to describe her. She is as close to being the "rock" as anything we have in our household. But watching her today do exercises simpler than the ones she was doing three month ago (or so it seemed) i almost cried and went almost spontaneously into a state of prayer.
She is so weak, be her strength. Make me her strength. Let me be strong enough to bear her weakness.
Then i remembered the words of my mentor, Bob W.. as he drifted into Parkinson's and dementia: We don't know what strength and weakness are and we often mistake them for one another. The weak are blessed by God, the strong are warned to repent of their arrogance and the temptation to think they are in charge, The so called weak need the prayers of the so-called strong, but the "healthy" need the prayers of the "ill" even more.
I know that Dianne is praying for me.