bobby1933 (bobby1933) wrote,

A Joyous, Difficult Day

Everybody is happier and more relaxed, including Nikki.  Things are as they should be for the first time in over three months, no more twice daily trips to the nursing home for family reunification, no more fretting about whether insurance is going to pay for another week.  She and i will sleep at each others' sides. though we resemble space travelers in cold storage in our non-matching BiPAP and  CPAP.

My days will be full, maybe a little more full than i anticipated.  Dianne is very weak, from my perspective, incredibly weak.  There is nothing requiring movement from the waist downward that she can do for herself or by herself.  I am praying that my energy and my back will hold out.  Tomorrow a Home Health Services representative will come here to assess our needs.  I sure hope she can help!!

I am told that we are given no burden that is too great for us to bear.  I know this is a lie unless it accompanied by a level of acceptance characteristic of a Buddha or a Jesus.  I am far from that.  The day has been filled with frustrated cries of profanity and fears that, inspite of all my efforts, i will allow her to fall.  She is safely in bed now/  In a few minutes i will check her oxygenation level and join her.   Pray for us!!
Tags: acceptance, personal life, spirituality
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