bobby1933 (bobby1933) wrote,

Daily Journaling

In the four and three fourths years since i began this journal, i have posted 1855 times, a little more than one post per day.  Many times what i posted were not my own thoughts or words; for example i have posted over 430 poems, almost all of them written by other people.  And though i have posted twelve times in a single day, i have gone a week or more without posting anything.  Still, it is rather a shock to discover that i have been so faithful to the project of keeping this journal, though i have been less than true to its original, spiritual purpose.

I have sometimes posted, always with some hesitation, about my feelings and my family.  Here is an area that i have difficulty understanding.  It is a function of my condition that i find personal experience, either my own or others, rather boring.  I live by preference and, perhaps, necessity in a world of ideas.  Ideas frighten me far less than people do, and i will entertain almost any idea while remaining a terrible host.  Therefore, i am surprised that i got so many comments when i write about "life" and so few when i write about ideas.  My own tendency is just the opposite.  Yet i place much value on empathy and compassion and wish that i could be more comfortable  responding to the real life experiences of others when they choose to share them with me.

I also wonder if i share this journal in order to feed my ego.  My efforts to keep a private paper and pen journal have lasted for a week or less.  The only exception was preparing AA type "fourth steps" where i did intend to share the results with God and one other human being.  On the other hand, the very act of using the word processing function of a computer has been an extremely freeing experience which allows me to express ideas in a way that longhand writing never did.  Once the thoughts get flowing, i think much faster than i write.

I think i need the discipline of a writing schedule.  I write when i feel like it and don't when i don't.  Sometimes i spend hours on the computer, as though i was preparing an essay for publication.  I need to set a time and restrict myself to that time, to just sit down and start typing and see what emerges.  This took about thirty minutes to write.  That seems like a reasonable effort   I wrote from 4:30pm to 5:00 pm, possibly a good time on most days.  Let's see how it goes.

Tags: ego, personal life, words
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