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Dreaming Anxieties

A couple of nights ago i had a vivid dream.  It is unusual for me to remember a dream; i almost never think about it a day or two later.  Almost all my dreams have a common theme: I am chasing something i can't quite catch or fleeing something i can't quite get away from.  This was a "chasing" dream.  I was somewhere, with somebody(s), doing something, and looking for something (I think it was my wife and kids -- so i was younger)  I "knew" where i wanted to go, but it would be a very long walk (hundreds, if not thousands, of miles) and i had no resources, spiritual, intellectual, emotional, nor (especially) material.  I could not seem to get started in the right direction and i kept losing stuff--my sleeping bag, my backpack, my wallet, (i think) my shoes), perhaps even my clothing.   Every time i took notice, something else was gone.  I was frustrated and on the edge of dread.  There was something odd, something surreal, but it was not a dream.  It was more like being on another planet or in a different dimension, maybe a "parallel" reality.
I awoke several times during the night, as i usually do, and each time it was from this same dream.  Very similar to my other dreams but very different.  "The edge of dread" was less sharp than usually.  I knew that i was afraid but that i was not afraid of being afraid.  I think the dream might have something to do with my "spiritual search," but i have no idea what.

"Wife and kids" (not Dianne and E and K1 and K2) may symbolize "home."  The "losses" seem pretty straight forward.  The aimless wandering and wondering might be a suggestion that i get more disciplined.  Whether or not that is what the dream was about it seems like a good idea.  Everyone else seems so purposeful.

"...But i alone am dull and stupid.
Oh, i drift like the waves of the sea,
Without direction like the restless wind.

Everyone else is busy,
but i alone am aimless and depressed
I am different...."
  --Tao Te Ching, 20.

But am i also being nourished by the great mother?
Yes, i think i am.

Comments

( 6 comments — Leave a comment )
amaebi
Apr. 2nd, 2012 01:59 am (UTC)
Freedom is another word for nothing still feverishly grasped....

May you feel the great mother's nurture richly. :)
bobby1933
Apr. 2nd, 2012 04:27 am (UTC)
Yes, and thank you :)
bardcat
Apr. 2nd, 2012 10:56 am (UTC)
I wander aimlessly around, somewhat lonley, fearful, estranged, not quite at home. I am glad when I am nourished by the great mother/father God.
bobby1933
Apr. 2nd, 2012 02:30 pm (UTC)
Yes, it is odd, but nice, to have someone else express my feeling of oddness and alienation better than i.

It is also nice to have fellow travelers on the pathless path even though we never meet.
ziasummer
Apr. 3rd, 2012 09:53 am (UTC)
Perhaps maybe look for the tools and resources you need from an unexpected source. Maybe the material items you have are not the best suited for the trip or for the destination.
- The sleeping bag may have been loss to help you surround yourself with the world around you and removing safety net or boundaries so energies can reach you.
- The backpack might be a sign to trust that the resources you need will show up and to make sure you are moving forward without the clutter of the past. It might be to remove any ties that are struggling to keep a grip on you.
- The wallet might be so you find new ways to exchange for gifts or items of need. Maybe through helping, advice, or being trusting that those who can support you will show up to give you what you need. Maybe look at advice, direction or help from those who are looking for something more from you instead of resources normally exchanged.
- The shoes and clothes might just bee a need to change the 'outward' face you are showing people, maybe taking a risk and extending a bit more of your true self to others sooner than you normal might have.


Just a few ideas from my impression of your dream.

Maybe you are walking on a path that is shared with another and can not see it defined due to that involvement. Such as mice or ants or fish, or great spirits where the boundaries are not as clear or defined as one may have liked.
bobby1933
Apr. 3rd, 2012 03:25 pm (UTC)
Interesting and thought provoking, thank you.
( 6 comments — Leave a comment )

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