A couple of nights ago i had a vivid dream. It is unusual for me to remember a dream; i almost never think about it a day or two later. Almost all my dreams have a common theme: I am chasing something i can't quite catch or fleeing something i can't quite get away from. This was a "chasing" dream. I was somewhere, with somebody(s), doing something, and looking for something (I think it was my wife and kids -- so i was younger) I "knew" where i wanted to go, but it would be a very long walk (hundreds, if not thousands, of miles) and i had no resources, spiritual, intellectual, emotional, nor (especially) material. I could not seem to get started in the right direction and i kept losing stuff--my sleeping bag, my backpack, my wallet, (i think) my shoes), perhaps even my clothing. Every time i took notice, something else was gone. I was frustrated and on the edge of dread. There was something odd, something surreal, but it was not a dream. It was more like being on another planet or in a different dimension, maybe a "parallel" reality. I awoke several times during the night, as i usually do, and each time it was from this same dream. Very similar to my other dreams but very different. "The edge of dread" was less sharp than usually. I knew that i was afraid but that i was not afraid of being afraid. I think the dream might have something to do with my "spiritual search," but i have no idea what.
"Wife and kids" (not Dianne and E and K1 and K2) may symbolize "home." The "losses" seem pretty straight forward. The aimless wandering and wondering might be a suggestion that i get more disciplined. Whether or not that is what the dream was about it seems like a good idea. Everyone else seems so purposeful.
"...But i alone am dull and stupid. Oh, i drift like the waves of the sea, Without direction like the restless wind.
Everyone else is busy, but i alone am aimless and depressed I am different...." --Tao Te Ching, 20.
But am i also being nourished by the great mother? Yes, i think i am.