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Writer's Block: Youthful Transgressions

What mistake made in your youth do you most regret now?
I nearly killed a child.  He was a year older than I, of a different race.  He was 12, I was 11.  Older kids made us fight.  Instead of hating the older kids we hated each other, or at least I hated him.  He was spear fishing at the falls, I passed by on a bridge above.  I threw a stone, it hit him.
That was all.  I did many things after that that had more disasterous consequences for me and others, but they were not done in malice.  This stands out because on reflection, it was assault; and, but for the grace of providence, murder.

Comments

( 6 comments — Leave a comment )
amaebi
Jul. 24th, 2009 02:35 am (UTC)
How fast did you recognize what you'd done and your passion?

It wasn't till I was fifteen that recognized I might kill my sister in a literally blind rage. It was terrifying.
bobby1933
Jul. 24th, 2009 05:44 am (UTC)
It took some time. We saw each other again, even fought again, still having our rivalry provoked by the older boys. I wasn't frightened by what I had done; nor was I remorseful until, oh maybe, four, five years later. By then I was intellectualizing a lot about such things as responsibility, consequences, guilt, etc. I have read stories about people who actually did kill while they were still children. I don't think I could have lived with myself. When I hit him, he fell, got right back up and shouted a curse at me. I gave him the finger and went on my way. But, if he had fallen forward, into the rocks and rushing water, I'm certain that that would have hit home.
abulia
Jul. 24th, 2009 04:36 am (UTC)
i wonder if he remembers it, too.
bobby1933
Jul. 24th, 2009 05:46 am (UTC)
Yeah, I wonder too.
illaria_hyde
Jul. 25th, 2009 01:03 pm (UTC)
I always disliked my brother with passion, but as I dreamed of smashing him teeth forward on the edge of the toilett ... That was pretty gross and shocking

The interesting part to me about your story is your hate being infused by others.
That's the more scary thing to me, what others can make us do.
I remind with horror things in my teens I've done only because others wanted me to. Disgusting phase.
bobby1933
Jul. 25th, 2009 04:26 pm (UTC)
Yes!
( 6 comments — Leave a comment )

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