April 27th, 2012


I am most of five days home from hospital and mind and body are firing on two cyliinders at best,  Yes , i know that i am seven months older than at the time of my last hospitalization, now closer to 79 than 78 and probably taking each hit a little harder than the one before.  Yes, i know i had major surgery and recovered in the hospital only a little over two days.  Yes, i know i am, by nature, lazy, preferring peace to adventure and silence to noise.  Yes, i know i have periods of mild depression, despite medication, and i could be in the nadir of a cycle.  And yes, i could be fighting the first lung infection i have had to deal with in a very long time.  I am writing now, primarily to see if my mind is functioning as poorly as i imagine it is.

On the other hand, Dianne finds me, she says, more present and less "aspergery,"  a gift for her, and for me too if i would know it.  (Maybe lacking the strength to go "elsewhere" helps me be more consistently here.)

Many of my friends here on lj have limits on their physical activity; others carry emotional burdens (sometimes in addition to the physical ones) which would drain me of all energy,  Yet their minds continue to perform brilliantly and i see their strengths far more than their weaknesses when they write.  Yet weakness is all i can give you today.  The desire for your peace is there, and love, for sure, and compassion, i hope, and i will take my share of whatever joy you project.