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"How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard," -- A. A. Milne.

Yes, i have been experiencing what i am told are symptoms of greif: aimlessness, confusion, absent ,mindedness, past and future collapsing into the present, etc/  But it doesn't feel like grief.  The deression isn't there  and tha only pain is arthritis.  I think that i might have been undergoint a spuirt of spiritual growth and the Dianne's death has not inhibited that, but perhaps pushed it along a bit.

I am reminded a little of Jill Bolte Taylor's "stroke of insight" where a hemorraghic stroke of the left brain created many manifestions of mystical experiences and left her permanently changed, in her opinion, for the better.  Then there was the argument in the 1960s about whether LSD and other psychotropic drugs could induce spiritual experiences.  So far as i know, this argument was never settled to anyone's satisfaction.  Drugs can be very dangerous, but so can spiritual experiences.
Either can put one at odds with the "establishment."

I would not welcome a stroke and i am way to old to start experimenting with drugs, but perhaps grief, itself, if that is what i am experiencing, will lead toward growth?

I do know that some  descriptions of the grieving process resemble some descriptions of "harmony with Tao.  Right now i am thinking of this symptom of grief: "absence becomes the greatest presence.."  Is that a "good thing" or a "bad thing?"

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( 9 comments — Leave a comment )
mamculuna
Jul. 2nd, 2016 09:40 pm (UTC)
My own belief is that whatever you feel is what you "should" feel, and it sounds as though you're really aware of the rich variety of your own response.
bobby1933
Jul. 3rd, 2016 09:56 pm (UTC)
Thank you. :)
o_laila
Jul. 3rd, 2016 09:37 pm (UTC)
grief is different every time.

its ok. whatever you feel is what you feel. feelings are never wrong.
bobby1933
Jul. 3rd, 2016 09:57 pm (UTC)
Thank you. :)
amaebi
Jul. 3rd, 2016 10:57 pm (UTC)
Yes, I agree with your other commenters.

There are a lot of firmly worded schedules for mourning,m but I think the experience is highly individual.
bobby1933
Jul. 4th, 2016 10:53 pm (UTC)
Thank you, :)
reginaterrae
Jul. 4th, 2016 12:44 pm (UTC)

I love this post. Have nothing more coherent to say about it, but it's good!

bobby1933
Jul. 4th, 2016 10:55 pm (UTC)
Ah, my sister, you do understand me! <3
reginaterrae
Jul. 5th, 2016 09:48 am (UTC)
Yes, yes! So glad it comes through my incoherence.
( 9 comments — Leave a comment )

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