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The Week That Was


Monday was pleasant, except that Dianne must raise her supplemental oxygen intake to 8 litres. Tuesday i got my regular shot of avistan, pretty useless for the rest of the day.  Wednesday at my overly solicitous cardiiologists where she was able to find something new to worry about (increased blood flow through catartit artery).  Returned to find that the dishwasher would not drain.  Flooded Kitchen floor trying unsuccessfully to unpllug it.  Almost as many things don't work properly in the kitchen as do.  Thursday, a trek to Dianne's pulmonologist to confirm that she needs more oxygen and adjust BiPAP (which will now be an EPAP?) and add corticosteroid to her meds.  Friday the appliance repairman fixed diswasher, gargage disposal, and clothes dryer.  Saturday, wiped out.  Slept most of the day.  No writing and very little reading.  Scanning my friends page i see i am missing much of what is going on in your lives while so little is going on in mine.  Outer confusion is reflected inwardly (or vice versa.)



Dianne continues to be the spiritual, moral, and emotional core of the household while the numbers say she is declining physically.  I am trying to trust her more than the numbers.  She says she is fine, the numbers say she isn't.  But we are managing.  I am not yet used to having everybody treat us as "old."  Increased need for oxygen will  necessitate new equipment including a concentrator  (I hope they have fixed the noise problem on thpse things.).  Her spitits are high, complaints are few.




I would like to "go gentle into that good night," but find myself raging "against the dimming of the light."  Sixteen years ago i was told i would be blind in six months.  Fortuntely, my macular degeneration is of the "wet" varoety which can be treated.  Deterioration has been exceedingly slow (with even a little improvement from time to time), but it has occurred.  It is so true that the sixth and seventh "ages of man" seem to repeat the second and first only backwards.  I have returned tochildhood (childlikeness was voluntary, childishness involuntary). cam infancy be far behing?  I regularlly discover limitations that i did not previously have.  I need to  better nurtue a spiriotual state and outlook appropriate to my age.

Comments

( 16 comments — Leave a comment )
vaporw
Mar. 20th, 2016 03:14 pm (UTC)
So sorry to hear Dianne's level has to be increased, and new meds and equipment. Perhaps she knows better than the doctors what she needs, maybe not. Or maybe she has accepted her eventual fate, which I hope if far from today.

I also didn't realize that you have maacular degeneration. My brother in law has this as well, so I am quite familiar. He is only able to see the size of lead in a pencil now. So dibilitating.

Nice quote from Dillman Thomas by the way.
bobby1933
Mar. 20th, 2016 05:01 pm (UTC)
Thank you.

Except for reading, the m.d. has not been much of a problem for me. The world looks pretty much as it always has. Even the wavy world that was symptomatic of the early stages are gone, either because my brain had adjusted for them or my eyes have. The left eye is my bad one and i can see through it well enough for almost all purposes. M.d. is still more of a threat than an actual problem. Will i be able to renew my driver's license 17 months from now? etc.
vaporw
Mar. 21st, 2016 12:46 am (UTC)
Would you drive even if your disease increases?
bobby1933
Mar. 26th, 2016 10:30 pm (UTC)
Not if i thought it might injure self or others.
I already refuse to drive on the day i have my shots of avistan.
pondhopper
Mar. 20th, 2016 03:48 pm (UTC)
Rage, rage against the dying of the light...
-Dylan Thomas

I am afraid that will be my own way of leavetaking...raging against it. But we do as our spirits move us.

I have long ceased to wonder what age appropriate means and do as I will (within my own limits of course).

Wishing you well with the new health concerns, my friend.
bobby1933
Mar. 20th, 2016 05:04 pm (UTC)
Yes! Thank you, Donna.
(Deleted comment)
bobby1933
Mar. 20th, 2016 08:37 pm (UTC)
Yes, thank you
reginaterrae
Mar. 20th, 2016 10:31 pm (UTC)

Wow, what a week! This week I had occasion to remember and describe my "parting-of-the-veil" experience -- the one I had when I was 18 and a friend died, and I was allowed to "see" (not visually) how he was WELL, and much better than here in the body. Do you remember me ever telling it on my LJ? (as poor as my memory is, I may have told it 2 days ago and forgotten......)

bobby1933
Mar. 26th, 2016 10:34 pm (UTC)
No, i don't remember that you posted about that. but my memory is faulty also. Life is going smoother in spite/becayse of lower energy.
amaebi
Mar. 21st, 2016 04:50 am (UTC)
I like you who you are, FWIW. And as you know, the saints were cranky idiosyncratic old things.

And yet I wish you had more of everything you want. Or less, where appropriate.
bobby1933
Mar. 26th, 2016 10:34 pm (UTC)
Thank you!
o_laila
Mar. 21st, 2016 05:02 pm (UTC)
it has been a while, bobby. i've missed you. i'm sorry to hear how much is going on for you and your wife. you both have so much on your plate right now.
bobby1933
Mar. 26th, 2016 10:35 pm (UTC)
It has been a while! Thank you.
bardcat
Mar. 26th, 2016 12:13 pm (UTC)
You are a mentor for me in aging. We go on!
bobby1933
Mar. 26th, 2016 10:37 pm (UTC)
Thank you, Jeff.
I also have "aging" mentors. though they are decreasing in quantity.
( 16 comments — Leave a comment )

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